Island Shopping

After beach-combing and snorkeling and enjoying my own private island, 11 young men on a motor boat broke the silence. They slowed down near the shore, discussing numbers and permits and then one man pointed in my direction and said, "Does she come with it?"

These young "island shoppers" came on shore and offered me Atlas beer in a can while viewing the perspective property. Three recent U of Florida grads were buying islands for themselves, while two young guys from Phoenix were looking for investment opportunities for their rich clients. Their guide for the day was a red-faced, pot-bellied Arkansas-native who turned out to be the craziest person I have ever met. He introduced himself as Charlie.

In addition to owning the majority of non-titled real estate in the San Blas islands, he also claimed to be the only chiropractor in the world who could cure Parkinsons disease - with his bare hands. ¨I called Michael J Fox,¨ he said, ¨but he is all tied up in that prescription drug shit, so whatever.¨ Obviously, this man was a little off his rocker, but his friends seemed harmless. That evening Charlie and his clients were going back to Panama City and they offered me a ride.

Maybe it was my desperation to get away from crazy Freddy, or the lure of saving a few dollars on transportation expenses, but I accepted their offer.

Once we arrived at the next island for sale, Charlie prophesized his vision for sustainable development. "It is better for the nature (he had a hard time pronouncing environment, so he used the word nature as a substitute) if all the mangroves are removed. We need to clear out all these weeds and bring in white sand so the fish can see better." Two six packs of beers later, he also explained his theory on molecular physics - "The windshield isn't made of glass, it is made of molecules - and my body is made of molecules - when you wear a seatbelt you ignore that connection."

After the hundredth delusional comment like this, my new friends and I stopped exchanging looks of stunned disbelief. Instead, we buckled up and prayed.

Somehow our prayers worked and the other Panamanian drivers safely dodged Charlie's swerving rental car. I kept my promise to God and spent the next few days in Panama City participating in safe, land-locked activities - far away from crazy seamen.